Leaves drift. Likwise do people. You just don't know which path it would take them to.
I am drifting. My priorities in life are changing. For the better or for the worse? I start to think about my future. I start to fear that I won't be able to reach where I wanted myself to. Where do I want to reach? I still don't know.
I feel ...... . I don't know. I have changed. I can feel it. .
From its inception, life is all about perception.
I can't study, I can just dream of studying.Dreams lay its fairy wings assuringly on my shoulders while Reality peeps with its unforgiving eye. I am drifting.
Is this what I really wanted myself to be? If so, why am I so uncomfortable.
Trust your heart. Do what it tells you. But I am a cheat. Negative vibes tanscend through my brain. The prospect of having to write a test day after tomorrow is the premiere cause for this.
I just want to be away. Why are we the so-called civilised. Why can't we be...just free. I want to see all those breathtaking sights, be it the gorges in the artic or the swamps of Zaire or the trimmed green of Sweden, be it the crowd of Kolkata or the peaceful, tranquil Seoul.
Why do I have to sit here? I can't break away.
Money.. it is a need. Where there is calibre there is money. World is only for winners. Deep pessimism hits me. I can't succeed. I am not good enough. I want to settle down somewhere in Sweden. Then when I get bored of living in soltitude I will move on to Kolkata.
It is so easy to dream. Far away from reality yet in eternal bliss.
Please take me away. I start to feel responsible. Responsible of my life. This isn't maturity. If it were signs of maturity I wouldn't possibly still be here writing.
I see the point. "I decide my life". Fate is only the weapon used by cowards to escape.
So.. what will I be doing 10 years at this moment? Would possibly in deep slumber relaxing after a tiresome day's work at some Software Company in Bangalore. Is that what I want myself to be?
No, frankly I want to become a writer. But I can't possibly live out of paper [:D].
I still have to study Malayalam, do the social project-draft. Reality slowly embraces me with its darkness. I am once again to be trapped.
I wish and wish honestly, I dont want to work hard. Let all the things be easy. My eyelids are dimming. My snippets switched off for the time being.
