I thought about writing out my frustrations. Lying on top of 4 benches stacked together in lieu with a double-cot bed, I got this romantic idea of getting up and scribbling some words in the school diary. The lone window in the room displayed a sprawling green field. I awed at it not because it was beautiful, but the whole idea now seemed to be well-scripted. Here I was, alone in a fan-less class, the whole world beneath, celebrating young talents.
No, No. The whole idea of writing out the moments that I experienced before is quite difficult. You know what happened as I was lying there. I felt the urge to tell something to somebody. I didn't know who the somebody was and what to tell him/her. I got up and went over to get the pen and sat beside the window, feeling the noon sun on my face, to write. But nothing came. I was racking my head too hard, I told myself. But then I realised why nothing came. I wasn't sitting there to write, I was sitting there to advertise myself. You know, I hoped that the girls would come and see me there. But, obviously, no one did.
Infact, two of the guys did come and I hastily stacked the diary away. Writing is usually met with the same gaze that I guess only gays would have felt before. And so, I went back to lying-on-top-of-bench thinggy.
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I am in the bus now. Street lights flash by. Inside, the ear is taking a beating. I want to join in the party. But the fact that I decided not to, is holding me back. You can't just scream out all of a sudden, you have to do it from the beginning.
I hear a conversation amidst all the yelps.
" Hey people, where are we ?"
"I dunno. The last I saw was Venjarammood "
" Does that mean we would reach the school in half-an-hour ? I have to inform my mother, if so."
" I guess it would take about 45 minutes from here "
" Okay. Tell me when we reach the place it becomes half-an-hour to "
Thats the only time I laugh during the journey. But dunno why :-??
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"Yeah, if you haven't noticed, it's all because of you. You dragged me onto the place. You know I had no intention of coming and you know that you were the sole reason I did. And then, you run off unmindful of me."
" Sorry, what could I do to make it upto you ? "
Two minutes later, the line is disconnected.
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I have to go for tutions after 3 hours. There is fear, insecurity, frustration and optimism. Well, Frustration is the leading one. I'll let you know what will come forth. Somewhere, someone would be watching Oppana feeling quite the same. Some other person, would be feeling quite the same for an entirely different reason. Some one else, would be unmindful of the fact that they would have to go on centre-stage to collect the prize of an unrelated person, who chose not to go for the prize distribution ceremony.
