Weary end.....

The electronic board struck up. I expected a " Happy New Year". Instead it blinked on the " Speed Thrills but kills". I turned to my bro. He, obviously, hadn't seen it. It wouldn't have made much of a difference either. Mother was sitting in the backseat wary of my brother going above 40 kmph. Hmmpph! Here she was scolding my brother for going over 60 when he has already clocked over 135. Pity the engine.
It was traffic without a heart. A festival without smiles.

We come to the end of another year.I should cleanse my hands off the dust I had accumulated during the past 365 days.All it means to me is that I would have to go to school and write 02-01-07 on the notebook. Ofcourse there are those with - Let the tide of time wash away the misfortunes of the year......blah blah stuff.

Saddam's dead. Didn't make much of a difference in my life except for that it disturbed my cycling routine. Or rather, looking from this perspective, it made an impact on a person's life about 10000 km away from the deceased. Hmm... dunno about the 10000 maybe the distance would turn out to be 10000 after two or three revolutions. ;)
Existence is the key to success. Because success can be defined as "continued survival of a living being which gives him utter satisfaction about every _____ thing in the Universe" . The word Universe brings across me pictures of Hitchhiker's. How I would like to find out that everything I dreamt about was nothing more than a dream...... And, eventually, that the dream was the reality. hmm...doesn't make sense. Rather, it makes perfect sense because nothing does.
A person with a true principle can answer any question regarding his morale. But people like me have invented a new principle which lets us answer perfectly well to those question ,ie, Stop thinking, it is pointless.
Led Zepplin goes on chattering. Now the orchestra has taken over. The much-hyped 15 minutes is here. Dual personality..hmm...I was, as you can possibly imagine, thinking about that. What is the need of dual character ? yeah! we all know....different people different tastes. To satisfy the different tastes we forge different make-ups. In the end all people will turn up for the party and you would have to put over a common mask for everyone. Still possible.
Led Zepplin has bowed out. Limp Bizkit makes their entry. Mosquitoes also start to join the party.
Anyway, where was I? Yeah , on the mainroad. The traffic light changed and we moved. After half an hour, the car entered its shed. So the story's ended.
11:53 am

Orkut impress trial

This is what I scrapped a mate of mine in order to impress a gal. Itz later I realised that it was just the sort of thing that you shudn't write to impress a gal. Poor pal of mine :))

1. PAthologically speaking, the process of osmosis is completely complicated by the fact that the moisture content in your cerebrospinal fluid is very scarce. This may lead to complete loss of the mass (in nanograms) of your brain.
This means that either you have gone nuts or that I am beyond repair

2. Alla...how was my 56 not out at MCG ?

3. Theoritically, the climatic changes in Ambalamukku juction have far-reaching consequences in the eyesight of any individual. Colourblindness is a usual symptom of these person which leads to non identifyablitiy btw bad ducks & good ones.

4. ok.. speaking about Osmology, I have heard that Charles Darwin had proposed a Theory of Natural Selection as recently as AD 1856. Everyone says its quite funny but interesting ? any takes on that ? Heehee...biology note kalanju poyi

5. Oh yeah? It was something regarding some folk goin on sayin "bah! humbug" naa ? Just read his "Hard times" phew! mate...the complex emotions of the distinct yet, identifiable characters are brought out from his pencil or pen or may be type writer with the most carefree accuracy, which fills the reader with utmost anxiety and doubt whether hez is actually a normal human being with a normal brain or a normal human being with abnormal brain or an abnormal human being with normal brain...wouldn't make much of a differnce I guess...hmm...

6. The theory behind the evolution of civilisation is that man when on encountering with another man, needs to use his brains to converse effectively. To remove this suffocating difficulty, he coined the term 'civilisation'

7. It was no sooner than AD 1991 that GOD realised his folly of releasing mankind to wander about the surface of planet earth for it was on March 1991 that fortunes of mankind and its survival was determined...er to be more exact 7:36 am on the 10th day of that month

8. It is a serious fault of specific human hormones of being secreted at the most improbable and unnecessary time in the lifetime of a human being

9. Da consider this a and b are parallel lines. we draw another line c parallel to both of em, between both of em . But if at a certain point refraction occurs and the lines bend towards the normal and if the line c happens to be the normal, it is imperative that there will be a point of intersection.....atha enikku pedi

10. The cause for the absycissa of the posterior plate of Vernacular Syndrome is the actual reason behind the absycissa of the posterior plate of Vernacular Syndrome.

This discovery has led to the funny, yet intriguing result that there are infintie possibilities regarding the causes of a particualr disease if the cause can be put in a looping statement.

The scientist have, therefore, evolved the idea that treatment for all these diseases are common and that the people to be cured first are the people who made this discovery
.
..which, unfortunately, happened to be themselves. So the first step towards the treatment process was taken by a scientist who established that the cause of all diseases can be reduced to a single digit number if they try extremely hard to reduce the number of looping statements

Hehe

Blah blah

"Creaky" That's the first word that comes to my mind at the moment. I am hitting a sort of unexplainable seclusion. The fan goes on creaking incessantly not giving me any hope of silence. The keyboard thuds on quite nervously with pause, then enormous speed, pause, speed...the process repeats itself. In the middle of this something called receptors signal to my brain a sense of anxiety, I guess it wants to make sure everything is alright. Dunno what the brain is doing at the moment....might have buzzed off.

I live in this world. The statement does make sense, you know. I have given up thinking because whenever I do I am remembered about the title of this blog -pointless. No matter how much you care a damn about whatever, there is no point in it. So the best possible way to be happy is to be as less circumspect as possible.
I am under the delusion that I am in love. But the more I think of it, the more funny it seems to be. Whenever I tell myself "Blah! this is puppy stuff", another part of me tells me "Mate, you are in love. Believe so. Its funny being in love". Never thought teenage infatuations would capture me. Thought I was far above it. Anyway, I am laughing at that I *felt* I was in love.

My brother has switched off the television. And the fear of him coming up any moment and asking me to hand over the throne makes me want to finish this quickly. The computer clock reads 12:43 and the other one reads 1 am. Hmm.. I am far forward, or was it far backward?

I am straining my ears to hear the click of the clock because everytime I hear it, it gives me a sense of complete satisfaction that I have no control over any damn thing in this universe. Talking about Universe.....later, hez coming up.

Came from the core of my heart

I saw what I had to see
I could have seen more
It all could have been...
But I wasn't, I couldn't

There are moments,
Moments which wave by
Before you realise, its gone
Before you realise, u rue itz gone
When you realise, its too late
You smile in its fragrance
You unsettle your hair
You laugh about the folly
And go on for the 'next time'
What if there is no 'next time' ?

Life is wasted on the living
Life is not what I have seen
Its how I had seen it.

Through the green fields
Down the blue skies
Passes mankind, to his destiny
Man is strange,
He thinks one, does another
Impulse reigns in impulse
Man is not an animal
He craves but he forgives
He loves but he hides
Man is God
He can do things that He can't

When I look into the mirror
I am reminded of my follies
But today, it smiles at me
He knows I am God
I did something that God won't
Sacrifice what could have been a life
For someone else, for his life

Not my invention, nevertheless funny

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why dosen't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Roses are red, Violents are blue
Monkeys like U should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.

courtesy: Orkut

Christmas song from Linkin n Me

I don't know who to trust
Everyone feels so far away from me
Trying not to see, but tired not to see
Everyone's forcing their way outta me
Every time I try to get back on my feet
They come charging in a fleet
Time won't heal this damage, anymore
I can't feel the way I did before
Don know what the world is expecting from me
All I wanted was to become more like me
Everything that I thought I wud be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I may end, failing to survive
But I know I was just like me, alive
Before I was going through this.

The Golden Year

Phew!
Blogthings had once asked me to evaluate life, I gave 8 outta 10.
I rue my decision..............What more can you expect from life?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If there has been any golden times in these 15 years, it is now.
Boy! Life has turned out to be like a typical hindi masala film. Heroes, Sub-heroes, Sub-heroines, heroines.... Lotta funny moments, nail-biting action sequences, mindblowing coincidences, sentis , anticlimax and a 'happily ever after'. Not quite sure about the last thing.... heehe...

From lurking behind bushes to find the Y of X to running chased by a whole lotta street boys, life has been presenting a whole range of emotions and experiences. The Model exams seem to be something that keep happening without my notice. I mean oneday I call someone and they tell me " DEY!!! Tomorrow is Social!!!!!"
I am living on the edge.If my marks suffer, which is a very very likely probability, World would start to screw up its canines and start to bite me. But till then, adios academic books!

I am sitting here after the culmination of another nail-biting adventurous sequence. This one included hiding from the chase by an uncle of mine. Shit! only Sandeep had the presence of mind to bring along the cycle. My method of escape was the utmost practical one among us three.
Get into the nearest temple.
Literally speaking, GOD saved me.
These uncles of you don't chase you in the temple.

Well, bro coming back at 23rd. Gee.. bring something, wontya ? Oh! I didn't allude the 'something' as a person ;)
So here I am...............gulping in Appy Fizz...... "The cool drink to hang out with"

Can't sue Eveready
Had overslept

Cat is outta the bag :(

At 1 am.....I get mad, occasionally

Kabhi muskuraake mushkilon se mil gayen.... Sanjay Dutt advices me. Frustrating silence ensues between the rhythmic beats. Mein mathlab hai mera, duniya se poochna...yeh jo hue kyun hua...kis jurm ki hai mujhko miley yeh saza.... Questions left unanswered.

It has been fifteen long weary years since my inception to this 'setup'. Fifteen long years have I passed through various human emotions to attain this emotionless trance. Every unnoticed blink of my eye is recorded somewhere. In the end, at the gate of enlightenment, they will ask me "What have you learnt?'
And I will look at them, smile and say "Does it make a difference".

It starts with something, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind.....
All I know, time is valuable thing

Thus runs Linkin Park's philosophy. The walls stare at me, inquisitively. The dirt of the switchboard remains unperturbed. Fear of fall. They say exams have a detrimental influence on staying up at long hours in short nights.

Therz something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control or fear is never ending
To find myself again, my walls are closing in
...................
Fear is how I fall, Confusing what is real

I see decorations below the sky at dusks. Someone wants to convey something to someone. I have interpreted those designs and lived accordingly. Who can argue that it wasn't the message those crimson lines wanted to convey?

I am God.

They say I am omnipotent. I have to know everything. I do know everything. Everything about knowing nothing, Everything about the state of knowing nothing. If I ,ie, God knows everything then why does I/he exist? Which leads me to prove that either I don't exist or God is a pathetic concept developed by humans who have lost faith in themselves. Faith.....

Best way to convey things to 3 people

" Baby I am in love with you"

No, I am in no mood to listen to your blue
Don't ring me up in the middle of night
And tell me that "shez my heart, my light"
I have had it for the past one week
Don't go for it if your heart is weak
And I mean you too, I was aving exam
When you were sayin " I do, damn!"
I am still here, I too have a heart
I wan you to know shez got me like a dart
I can hit "bulls eye" but not at her eye
And I can't go near coz I get shy
And I know you will also read this
Even if you do, just give it a miss
Becoz I ain't serious, just time-pass
Still, shez a one wonderful lass.
Anyway I have got the green light
Hope the traffic don't result in fight
Hey! how did you do it!
Gives me boost, makes me feel fit

Yeah! I still have three more to go
When everyone hits their All-time-low
I am here, living life like never before
Hope she comes to me saying " Want anything more? "

Not for the soft-hearted

They see everytime I close my eye
They see everytime I say a lie
They keep on watching me
They never say what they see
They are all the time on the prowl
with ears of vulture, eyes of owl
They know what I am gonna do next
They know what I'll do after this text
They point the finger at me again
I wanna run away I ain't sane
Paranoia pushes me into a deep hole
Its lika can't stop what I am hearing within

All I wanna know why I came to you
Step off like what you people do
I used to dream where church bells ring
Where no words of mankind sting
Sock it! I just cripped my throat
Don't look as if you gloat
Cause I know you don't, come back
These days my dreams embark
wherever I put my name to shame
My life, My pride, its broken
I had to act like I am someone

Forfeit the bloody game
Before someone takes you outta the frame.

Thoughts on 12/12/06

Blue skies and white clouds smile
They lie to me "one more mile"
I smile and ask them "Why?"
For which they but sigh

"For you to enjoy life"
This breeze advises my cheeks
"For you to see mountains and reeks
For you to never lend a tear to these soils
For you to live life without turmoils"
I confide in them, my loudest beats
" Life is a dream without defeats
Every moment is to be cherished
Remembered, nurtured, replenished
See with my eyes, all wonders
all the pink, blue and lavenders"
"You are far from your dreams
Life is waving to you goodbye"
They lament but I know its a lie
" It is my life, where I am the hero
I don't care about the way I pass
I don't care about the wealth I amass
I live not to live but to be alive"
Even the almighty Red is sad
"I have told you what I had to, lad"
It bows down and lends to night
Long up, lies a speck of light
"Jump up to catch me, I am your destiny
You must face me, never flee"
Human bonds tie me to the ground
I don't know where I am bound
Deep inside my heart or in my eyes?
I try to smile but my throat cries
" Why do you defy the truth?
They tell life begins at youth"
The light glimmers in eager
" Reach out with power, not meager
This moment will not return
You must cherish it but never turn -
from your life when it beckons
Half the time, life is a good dream
The rest half is for you to find out"

Its Celebration time.

The earth moves in circles.

At one point in the circumference, at a particular time, the inhabitants freak out and enjoy , happy that they have been alive to see one more circumference being completed. These inhabitants that I have mentioned are products of deranged imagination. But they think otherwise, they think they 'exist'. They are not happy with merely existing. Their time-period or life is based purely on another product of deranged imagination called Gold. Its this piece of thing that pushes them into deepest and most complex emotions. They know that the only solution to being happy is to be sad. So they perfectly and ingeniously keep a proper balance between these two basic emotions.

In order for that, they plunge into deep sorrow for 364 days or 365 if its a leap year. They celebrate the next day as though there is never going to be another "next day". 365 days before this exact moment, there was a boy. Don't worry, He is still alive. This boy, you see, had been sneaking on his brothers website http://franticblogger.blogspot.com/ . And he thought "Why not! If he can, why can't I". And that made a helluva lot of difference to the world and its fortunes and destiny. The boy saw the sun going down and up and down and up and down until he found himself sitting at the point where he was sitting a circumference ago.The boy hasn't changed a wee bit except for that he measures a little more in breadth (in metres).

They say that boy is in the middle of a crucial period in his time-period or, rather, life. The boy thinks otherwise. It is this difference in ideologies that makes his Maths teacher to pluck out his ear from his head (as if it would make a lotta difference). To save you from nailbiting suspense, the boy is me. [Yeah! i did mean it ironically. (Had to mention that) ]

Celebrating one year in the blogs...thanks to my mother.

A long-known truth

If in this haven of earth
was left but one piece for me
Saved from human mirth,
far from those toxic crowds
away from the diseasing fumes -
which they call exotic perfumes
I would cherish to live and be alive

Me and My perception system!

I can see patterns in the everything. Whether it be the headlights flashing on the thundering showers in the darkest of nights or in my own reflection which seems to differ every miniscule of a second.

I feel as though I have been cheated. I am the lone being alive in this world. Secluded from thoughts of other humans, safe in comfortability of the system of perception I have constructed. I can look at this monitor in the way that only I can. I can take this music in the way only I can. I live the way only I can.

Every move I make seems to be impulsive but I am being cheated. I have no choices because it all comes to the same end. A dull insipid non-living piece of ground . What is the point of surviving if we know where it is eventually going to culminate into.

We are slaves to the emotional patterns that rule our brain. Just take out the emotional quotient, then we are no longer humans. With the emotional quotient, we are but slaves. What is freedom?

We live for gaining cheap emotional happiness. I don't know why everytime I sleep I see pictures of myself drowning, wailing for one last grasp of breath, hoping someone will pull me out ....out into the blinding sunlight. We are all alone here. One for one, all for themselves. I can feel their breaths one my shoulders but I don't know if its true, they can even see my eyelids twitching but they don't see I am afraid.

What have I gained here? What have I lost? I will lose myself in the spurls of time never to return to these unworthy thoughts. There is no point pushing for the answer because harder I try to, the easier it slips out of my grasp.

On the other side, if I don't question myself and go on living, I am happy. I don't worry about anything. I always win over my petty feelings. I lose myself in the victories of imaginary challenges.I am an ignorant, corrupt, careless, untrustworthy person as far as I am concerned. I don't see the point in changing myself. I don't see any point in getting good marks for Physics. But I know I have to get it otherwise my perception system will change. We resist change....it is involuntary. I have a head for myself now and a world presenting wide range of experiences. It is the craving to get the best quality of experiences that makes us push on. Quality is the emotion that makes us the most comefortable in our perception change.

We are always curious. Curiousity can't be resisted. When there is someone that you haven't talked to and you believe that you will get the best *quality* experience on talking with the subject, you crave to speak to it. But, as you are nervous to talk or because you know that talking will result in an emotion that you aren't accustomed and you want it badly, you aren't able to do it . ;)

No no....I was truthful.

Watch the Intoxicated and stimulated thoughts flee

into a lad who has let perpetual realism behind him.

I let myself become lost inside the thoughts of mine

I cannot take this anymore, saying everything I said before

All these words make no sense, just like before

I have found that the answers aren't clear

I wish I could find a way to disappear

With my cold feet on the floor,

Pretending to be what I am not anymore

Confidence in me has pulled itself out of me

Against my will, I sit by my own reflection

Its haunting, distracting, reacting,

I am losing myself in the swirls of time

I want to know the truth,

I want to know the answers,

Why I never walked away? Why I let myself be this way?

There is nothing called multi-faceted

coz there is nothing called uni-faceted.













This is dedicated to the people who don't exist

In the midst of a flu

Time moves on. I sit here. My mates are in those 15*20 m rooms drawing ugly figures across their neat notebooks. Most of the things that we study in Maths don't make sense. I mean who needs to construct tangents once they are outta the school.What is the computer for if it can't draw those quadrilaterals and triangles. Most of the things they teach us over there are useless. Therez a chapter in our history text which contains about 200 odd names of books and their authors. As Scrooge, correctly, puts it "Bah! Humbug"

The tenth is almost over. Oh boy! didn't I enjoy this year! The only sorta disappointing part was our class. There was no sorta interaction between the two sexes which vexes me. But on the whole, it was one hell of a year. Academics went just fine, the general ambience was good, teachers fine................but I can't find out whats been so exceptional about this year. I didn't study one bit about anything this year. I lazed off the whole academic year. this is the first year that my parents started asking me to study....and it was rather embarassing at first to hear them asking me to study.
I know, and they know, that I study only the day before the exams. Thats only when you feel the tension. If you have already mugged up everything, then where is the challenge?
With the packing off of my bro to Mysore, he became Infy's headache. And it also meant that I became the King of The PC. Yeah! I miss him...but more than him I miss Santosh chettan, becoz I aint getting any new game cds.
For a good part of the year, father wasn't with us. So I used to sleep beside my mother. And this is how a perfectly normal working day started :
The previous night I would have put the alarm for 4 am.
It rings
I get up
Go out of bedroom
Put lights on the study room
Go to the other bedroom
Put alarm for 6 am
Go to sleep
It rings
I get up
Put off the lights of study room
Go back and sleep soundly beside my mother for another hour.
Well, another sad part about this year was that I had lost contact with a few fr8nds. Jason..boy! didn't he leave a large hole in my life.
There has been the required amount of conspiracies and controversies. Though involved indirectly in most of em, I came off with hands clean. The hormones went strong among most of my mates. I really did feel guilty of changing the priorities in my friends' lives. I didn't know I could influence their lives so much. Their studies suffer as a result.
There were no matches at MCG this year...coz you know "its 10TH". Most of the gals in our class are bookworms.
I hate bookworms.

Frankly, its not yet time to retrospect abt this year becoz the tenth (officially) wouldn't end by March 2007.
But I believe, I would be in no mood to blog and brood at that time.
hmm...

The Born Fighter

‘In a single day he can provoke exasperation, infuriation and congratulations…[Sourav] is a mixture of dashing cricketer, disdainful aristocrat, protesting youth, charming socialiser, glorious leader and fierce competitor.’
-- Peter Roebuck

An Ode to Mr. Life / Pretty much life / Pretty much a Lie too/ WIki Disappoints

Therz something called life
Some say, it starts with the wife
Nah! blast those crap. Anyway, Whats it ?
I know, I ain't de first to have dis lit
Each narrows de concept as he sees fit
They always say "Its your life"
I say "I know, I know, its my own strife"

Life is someone with many masks
you unwrap one, only to find more tasks
Ney! why be curious? let it go
Let life want to do what it wants to
If we lose we still have the magic word "fate"
You can be guarenteed pity, howver late

Gotta listen to me, Mr Life
I still have got the knife
I may just end it for fun
Just to see what's beyond you
None can dream of a sue
Becoz its my life and I rule
Don't think I am just a fool
And that you will win the race
Come to me, reveal your face
And you will find me the victor
No, You wont be my dictator
But, What are you ?
U know, wiki isn't always true
" The state that precedes death and follows birth or conception."
Oh! Danx a lot.

An experiment

They said that I am one among the crowd. But when this tide of mankind overflows into those sweeping trains, with nothing but their small office rooms as destination, I can't restrain myself from smiling.

Tut
Tut
Click.
______________

Its so wondrous a spectacle to see a sky-scraper go to the dusts. It just bows down from existence.

The men beside me hurled each other away in their urge to see the sight. Somebody screamed. Sirens sounded. Was that the ambulance or the police?
The train was waiting for me. I smiled. It always waits for me, donnit?
I had that cool glasses in my jacket. I took it. Costs a fortune, they said.
Let it go to the feverish crowd .
Not enough.
***************************************************

They say that I am dangerous. Some say that I am elusive. A nemesis. I love the way things are, let it stay so. A little kid smiled at me.
The train came to a halt.
That was not in the plan, now.
I smiled back.
IIf this is what they call 'life', lemme tell you one thing, its nothing more than an entertaining slick flick. Aaah! Its been so long since I had last seen that constable.Just renewing acquaintance. He saw me too. Bravo. Got to run now.
Ladies - Gentlemen - hermaphrodites who call themselves 'cool dudes'- more gentlemen-more ladies - kids- The Exit - A respectable police officer.
More cool dudes- more respectable officers - more shouts . I say, somebody must have deceived me.Time is less, work is more.
I hate to take beautiful ladies as the bait, I even hate the practise of sticking the knife out at someones throat. Its not fair. Moreover it destroys the style factor. I spotted the unlucky subject. I stuck out the ugly object. Now, I predicate.
******************************
They say that I am cunning. Well, they were wrong.Or else I should have seen this chase coming. I dun like to prespire much during office-hours.
The mobile rang.
" Done "
It was being tapped. The Sonovabitch had deceited me.
But they were true to their word. They had promised they would send the flying object. But, things didn't smell well.
I used my business policy.
When in doubt, ERASE.
I went inside the copter. The pilot was only a Inspector- General.
Pity I don't know to fly.
***********************************
Hotels are expensive and risky. Streets are cool and cosy. Nightlights invited me. Later, perhaps. The sirens would be booming at every lodge in the city.Did they find out my name?
Oh!
I don't have one.
Atleast, would they find out what they called me?
A purposeful footstep echoed. I hate purposeful footsteps.
I got up. Took my toy.
There came he. He had the toy too.
Next second, I saw something red sticking out from my chest.
" This is not a film" I caught him saying
" First action, then dialogue"
hmm...
It seems I was not clever at all. But, he wouldn't escape alive.
I smiled.
******************************

Signs of a Future?

It was the beginning. The fire ball was sinking on the Horizon, sending its image across the oceans. There were fresh tears in my eyes, which looked at the powerless moon standing years above. My pocket was empty, my heart was heavy, the sands were wet.

When the moon had sprung into life, I slowly got up.

I felt an uncomfortable sigh behind me.

"Your journey is ended Kid. All things happen for a reason. You are free now. I have come to take you home."

I didn’t open my mouth. It was too much for it too, I guess. I didn’t give a damn who the guy was. I started hearing deafening roars from the ocean sleeping beside me. It disrupted the peace that had existed before. The whole place changed into a havoc hectic crowd wailing and screaming at everything. Mothers carrying their babies, running directionless, fathers looking restrained. The Sun hid itself from everyone, it didn’t want to see this. The man beside me blinked his eyes and shuffled his feet.

“So this is it” I felt myself at tranquility. It is, eventually, once and for all, over.

That was my story, the story of my life on Earth………The after-life is different.

Life is , or rather was, a rather over-grown pumpkin….. because it doesn’t make any sense just like the comparison itself . I felt myself lifting, Lifting from existence, lifting from gravity, lifting from reality. I had one last look at the place where I had belonged.

Waves thrashed the shores ecstatically, sweeping away millions of lives, freeing millions of souls.

I was still me. A light flickered. All that I could see was darkness. There was no sound.

I felt somebody was nearby even if I couldn’t see it.

“Welcome” I heard somebody say but I had this queer feeling that it wasn’t my ears that picked it up.

Sure of somebody’s existence, I blurted out a question that had been nagging me for sometime.

“Who am I ?”

Silence

“Am I alive?”

Silence

Silence

I didn’t know what to do. So I kept concentrating on the source of the flickering light.

I had no legs, it was a funny feeling. I didn’t have to move, I didn’t feel like. The flickering light would follow me wherever I went, the rest would envelope in darkness.

“Your reason is inappropriate”

I was startled. I found out that I still had the emotion fear. It was not there a moment ago. I felt like somebody chaining me. Depriving me of the new-found freedom, freedom from existence. I now became what I was before, human. I couldn’t bear it.

“No! I am dead” I yelled with my mouth.

No echo, No reply. Nothing.

I had this terrible nauseating feeling. Loneliness, I found the word. My legs dragged me wobbly across something below.

I was thinking about the words I had heard a moment before. My reason was inappropriate, it seemed.

“Sorry, it took me time.”

“What!?” I yelled even before I could restrain my mouth.

“You have to go back”

“Are you God?” I asked, without my mouth, calmly to my own brain.

“If I am God, then what are you?” It replied. I had a feeling that It was chuckling when it said this.

“Where am I?”

“I can tell it to you but I am afraid I would have to erase your memory.”

“Why?”

“Because you are going back to what you call ‘life’”

I was determined to oppose but there were a million processes going on in my brain, it was difficult to single out one among them.

In the end I managed a “what?”

“Sorry you were not to be here. This is the first case ever.”

“Am I god?”

What is god?”

“ Oh! I get it...I am”

That was the last I saw of GOD.

* * * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * *

Stavromula Beta - Oh! how I wish I was there (No mentioning in this post)

Damn our Physics teacher! I have never ever had the oppurtunity to open my eyes when she is teaching. It is IMPOSSIBLE. I don't have any specific interest in the topic, anyway. So what's the topic that interests me? hmm...English! ofcourse! Not the stupid chapters that they have in our book where the old hag goes and sits in the Verandah of a postoffice for five years, waiting for a letter, and then dies one fine morning.
I am crazy, it's only when the clock lurkes near the midnight zone that actually my brain starts to do something..viz..think. All the other times, it thinks it does. Atleast it does think so. Fair enough.
Analyze, myself - Superficial, well that's my favourite word these days because I can use it for any body I see on the street.
Girls! Their existence on this planet has enveloped my existence. I care more for winning their hearts than my studies. Mate, the drought I am feeling now is inexplainable. My whole motto (Oh!I don't have one) of life is to keep one girl as the primary option and others as subsidiary. But the problem that has sprung up now is that the Primary seat is vacant. Subsidiaries have by the time established their own industries at the other side.
Hmm...really girls kill me and are killing my future too. I have this hell of an idea that your quality of life depends upon your calibre in Maths and physics. And I don't claim to be good at both of them.
Blame it on that woman. She goes on drawling about Nuclear Fission and Fusion in such vigour that we half the time think about the spelling mistakes she commits on the blackboard. Blame it on me. I only go on wanting to be good at it but don't even have the slightest enthusiasm to click the mouse.
Better stick to what you are good at, I guess. That is to say, make girls go "aaaah! chweet" with fake speeches made up of chocolates that most girls like. Atleast, I can take pride in the fact that I have bowled over some of them with my superficiality.
I am happy, anyway, and that does make a difference. Criticize me now and I would go on smiling as if nothing better could happen, well...nothing better could happen. I don't know why but it all seems so funny to me now. I really do think this is the "lull before the storm" they keep on saying. Look at my life...everything has happened according to my whims and fancies, well..almost most of the things I can think of. Boy! this really feels good.
Being in 10th is like being in heaven. Teachers wont conduct tests because they think you study all the time and what more if you get good marks they don't come as close as about a mile to interfere with whatever you do. Enjoy it when it lasts, boy! I can imagine myself sitting here on 14-10-07 going 'boo-aaaggh' at my schedule.
Its past midnight.The cracks have mutated into ugly lively forms.The rats keep on poking the nest it has made for itself in the ventilator. hmm...now where is that headphone?

Some good ones

5.
The God's message to the creation - " We are sorry for the inconvenience".


4.

The first words:
" In the beginning the Universe was created.........This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move"


3.
Arthur said, "It says in the brochure that I can have a special prayer, individually tailored to me and my special needs."
The old man said, "heres the prayer for you. It goes like this - Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen"
"Theres another prayer that goes with it and is very important" continued the old man " It goes, 'Lord, Lord,lord....'It's best to put in that bit, just in case. You can never be sure."Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer."
2.

I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says me, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promply vanishes in a puff of logic.


1.
Here is a sample from 'Hitchhiker's Guide Galaxy':
The Universe-some information to help you live in it
1. Area: Infinite
The hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy offers the definition of the word 'infinite'
Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and some. Much bigger than that infact, amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow, that's big"time. Infinity is is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks a bit twitchy.

2. Imports: None
It is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from.

3. Exports: None
See imports

4. Population: None
It is known that there are infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinte amount of space for them to be in. However, not evryone of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
5. Monetary Units: None.
In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altairan Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flaninian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flaninian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has its own very special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six thousand eight hundred miles across each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency because the Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise it is very simple to prove that the Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination.
6. Art: None.
The function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn't a mirror big enough - see point one.
7. Sex: None.
Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art, or anything else that might keep all the non-existent people of the Universe occupied.
However, it is not worth embarking on a long discussion of it now because it really is terribly complicated. For further information see Guide Chapters seven, nine, ten, eleven, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-one to eighty-four inclusive, and in fact most of the rest of the Guide.

In love with whad-daya-call-it!

This guy sucks big time
Trying to impress goodies
And writing poems, ironically,
to hide up his whad-da-ya-call-it
This guy is shoved into me
I didn't want him to be me
I guess, I am in love with him
Becoz, the self-pitied don't succeed
I goddam want him to succeed
Becoz then I can feel how it wud be to
I want him to flock around gals
But I guess that's one thing he cant do, pals
This guy feels he is goddam hero or something
And thats exactly why he is defaming himself!
So that if any goody reads this
She would fall for his whad-da-ya-call-it.

23:55 to 00:32

I am sitting here. 5 minutes to go before its going to be officially Gandhiji's birthday. 4 mins left now. I have Kailash Kher's worldy voice echoing in my ears. Without purpose, I go on typing something.
It's certainly pointless. I don't know what to call the 'it'....some may describe it as 'life'.
What have I got to do now?
The answer is simple.
Social Assignment.
Its now October 2. Oh! no thers still 42 seconds to go.
Ok..A frend has now signed in to chat.
It has already consumed 2 mins.
I wasn't flirting? Was I now!
Bah! who cares :D
Ok...I got rid of her or rather she got rid of me. hehe
"So Govind, are you going to sleep today?" asks me
"Hmm.... I haven't considered the option yet" replies I
The songs have ended. A lovely chocolate box lies beside me with its mouth-watering contents. I am growing fatter and am trying to reduce my intake of junk food. But there is something about these chocolate boxes that tend to make you imagine that the contents taste more than they actually do.
Ok Ok. I know a piece won't do me much harm. Thats on its way to the small intestine now.
12:15.
Hey! what about trying to make "the longest blog in the world". Sounds quite attractive, ain't it? The Guinnes Book of Records says - The longest blog is by....nah!
I have the GOTY edition of Unreal Tournament near me. Was never interested in the game anyway.
12:20
Thers absolute silence if you ignore the routine croaking of the you-know-what insect.
Lets describe the room now. Exactly behind me lies the Pooja Muri, the walls are empty except for some cracks that show that the can mutate into something uglier given the chance, A fan that doesn't creak or croak as it doesn't have the Amperes to do so, a window that is half open.
12:25
Boring.
But I won't sleep. Hey! Guess what? Type "Govind V" in google and the first result is this long-nosed guy. I have to be worried now. What if my teachers.......nah! the possibilty is only remote, BUT it still exists :( .
Now the messenger list says everybody's offline. You never know who's invisible, you know.
12:30
I suck!
12:35
There is still 5 minutes to go for 12:35 but I thought I wuld fill in, in-case I failed to make it.
Yeah! I won't make it.

So long and thanks for all the Fish!

Seriously Joking II

I want you to say what I want to hear
Whenever I see you, Iwant to come near
But even if i am near, you dont see me, dear
Oh! Please do come near
For your eyes are so innocent
So much so that my heart has went-
off to faraway heavens
Your cheeks are so rose
That even the best rose laments
When you fade from my eyes, I am at a loss
If you talk to me, I wud be 'knocked-out'
Or else my lips will sway about
Hey! Where have you gone?
For last three days, I've been all alone
What!! you are moving outta the place
And all these times were just a waste?!!!
Aaah! I still have the new family to meet
Seems that they 've a beautiful daughter, so sweet.

Back to Insanity

Describe Reality -
Electric imulses that make you feel at home

Describe Sanity -
Mental condition perceived by a 3rd person as to being well within the imaginary line constructed on the basis of previous experiences and ...wateva that is inside one's head.

Describe Illusion -
Electric impulses that tell us that this is not real. But we dont know if that isn't real. For an illusionist, the thing that we call as reality is an illusion perhaps. Who cares anyway?

Describe Time -
Something that defies description

Universe is simply not true. There should be no concept such as a 'Universe'.
The BigBang theory sucks big time.

Everything is a Mistake. A big Mistake.

If it weren't then the following phenomenon wouldn't occur;

(The below statement is true
The above statement is false)

We are programmed in such a way that we can't cross this bug.
The time we do, the time we succeed. But then it will be replaced by something more sinister , perhaps.
So...What is the point, anyway?
Lets go on rocking..

Before Maths Project.

Who is this 'Govind.v'?
I kept having this feeling its me
But after 'Hitchhker's Guide to Galaxy'
The Question has changed a bit
-"Why Govind.V ?!! shit"
You can take the above line in any sense
But more or less it doesn't make any at all
Ok, look at it this way
"I should never have been born that day
I can't co-exist with others, so better to cease exist"
Or from another point of view
"What is the purpose of me?, I ask you!
Why push this undescribable thinggy into me
A thinggy that goes on telling me, 'I am enigma'
Making my brain a mere stigma"
It would be better if I would just shut up
And go about finishing my homework

It's getting even harder

Tonight,
I am gonna rocka-ba-baby
Forgiving, Forgetting the past
Bite your lips, but never show
Smile, that's the weapon that you've got to blow
I have forgot what I have written down
I feel like throwing that mirror a stone
Spitting image of myself, yet not real
I am not me, only what I steal
From you, you and him
No more games, I reveal who I am
All the pain inside, all the superficiality
Damn! I don't know who you are
I dont care!
My soul's escaping
There's all for the taking
Fame, power, love, hate
fans,home,lust,date
There's only one shot
One moment, one oppurtunity
To capture the dreams
If let it slip?
Never look back, move on
And the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

Inspiration:Eminem

An Ode to Marshall Mathers III

I just love this guy (as a father)!!.

“It's the greatest feeling in the world to watch your seed grow, to watch a life that you created look at the world with another set of your eyes. It also hurts to know that one day she's going to grow up and be out of the house. But thats what we're here for, to create more life, I guess."

A travel to Edakkal Caves

I was 3500 m above sea level. I couldn't believe I was in such a situation. Looking down gave me creeps. The excitement of trekking was overshadowed by the fear of a fall. I wasn't prepared for this.
I hadn't the slightest notion when I woke up at 7 am in our hotel that I was going to have such an experience. They told me that we were goi to a cave.
I said "Ok, cave is better. Atleast it would be quite intriguing"
Little did I know that this cave would present me my best adventure till date.
I wore my loose jeans and chappals. We reached there at about 9:30. We parked the car. Gave 30 Rs as parking fee. We asked the guide standin nearby where this cave was. He showed us a muddy road as the way to the cave. I didn't see where this road led to. There was a lil confusion as to whether we should walk to the cave or take the private jeep they offered in return for a charge of 70/- per person. We again asked how much distance the cave is from us.
He pointed his finger at about 60 degree angle of elevation.
The jeep took us there. There were only a few other tourists other than us.
It was a remote place. Thick evergreen forests lay in granteur on both sides. There were moist rock-cut steps.
Walking on those steps gave me creeps. Believe me, walking with a snake as your companion is not a good prospect. We reached the intermediate station where they sold lemon juice. I couldn't believe that people could be tired on climbing these steps.
Somebody announced "The next station is in the destination - Edakkal caves"
There were no more steps. Only rocks. But the climb was not steep. We only had to walk. I remember a hole that we had to scrape in through.
After the scrape in, we reached a cave. That was quite magical. It was almost out of a dream.The height of the cave would be about 15-20 metres.There was only a dim light. A small pond lay nearby quite serenly.
We made our way through the cave. We eventually reached the Edakkal caves. Satisfaction throbbed in my heart. After all, the trip to Wayanad wasn't wasted.
























A guide told us the history of the cave. It witnessed inhabitation of the primitive man (2000 BC), the medieval man (1600AD). The wall paintings stood as proofs for these arguments. It was found by some Englishman in 1894. It had been opened to public only since 1991.
"There is a narrow, steep way up......about 1000m... then we will reach the peak of this hill. From there we can see the borders of Kerala, Tamil Nadu and Karnataka. I advise that you dont take small kids if you decide to go up" His voice echoed.
My heart that was getting deflated suddenly became alert.
Leaving our parents behind, me, my bro and our driver made our way up.
The winds became more chilly. Now the climb was not at all easy. We had to choose our own path. The authorities had made small pits for landing our foot. We knew that this wasn't going to be easy. But we were damn excited. With all zest, we climbed up without any fuss. We reached a small plain from where we moved on to the bigger part of the hill. Tourists settled down there with their beers. The place was beautiful. I took in the beauty of those paddy fields that lay in silence miles away from me, the forest that made me realise how far I was from the madding crowd.
We heard someone's echo. Kilometres above me...almost reaching the sky, I saw few foreigners with their backpacks waving down at us.
"Thats where we are heading to? No way!" I said.
Our driver motivated me and there started the real journey.
We had to clutch on to one stone, put our leg on this stone....then clutch on the other one and so on. Then came the rope climbing part. I clutched on to the rope for my dear life. My legs were getting slippery. I made through it. My urinary bladder had enough of the excitement. I let it free. When I looked down...I was a bit sceptic. But the other two already had started to move on.
I remember the rock I slipped on. Who would forget it? Thats when my heart lost confidence. I bent my head in agony. I couldn't move on. My energy was getting depleted. The thought that I still had to make my way back down made my brain to instill doubts regarding my physical condition on reaching back.
Cursing my pants that slipped down from my hips, I caught the hand of our driver and continued on the journey.
We climbed ladders, found our own ways, and finally we rached the 3/4th of the journey.Sheesh! from there I could almost see the world.The rock where I rested was quite narrow and didn't have enough space to guarantee me that I wouldn't fall when I got up. Bro understood my condition and said he wud come up in the tail. Climbing in between them was a comfort. Somehow, I felt more secure. There was this ultimate ladder which led to the peak.Climbing atop that, I let loose a howl.
I was on top of the world. Probably, the youngest ever to climb the hill. I was drenched with sweat. We removed our shirts and sat down on the peak. I didn't have enough of the view from there. If there is anything called peace, it was that. The breeze always kept blowing and there was a slight cloud cover. The blue merged with green at the horizon. I was standing on the border of three beautiful cultures.
After half an hour, we started on the way back. All I did was slide down. I trusted the grip of my jeans. My heart was biting cold..It jumped when I would loose my footing. I could see the landing miles away. The probability that I would slip all the way down existed.
The climb down required more of mental stamina than physical. As I was facing my back against the hill and descending, I felt a slight fear of the height.
Literally, I slipped all the way down and trust me, thats the best way to climb down. My jeans was almost worn out by the time I reached back.
And thats what you call worn-out jeans.

This is what they told me....I laughed of for sometime.

Your Learning Style: Curious and Brilliant

You are a very abstract learner. You can grasp even the most complex theories. You Should Study: Astronomy Biology Chemistry Computer Science Linguistics Mathematics Philosophy Physics Psychology

What Should You Study?

It just about covers everything, I guess.

Fooling myself

Dreams catch me. I drift with it. It is always the easier option. There is no effort. Everything motions according to thy whims and fancies. None to question.
Plunging into deep thoughts becomes painful when you do it on purpose, with the realization that you have got to exercise your mental mass. It becomes easier to fool yourself and others that you are in deep thought by using some word combinations that they are not accustomed to or by using long sentences to describe what you intend to describe.
You try different things as catalysts to speed up your unmeaningful thoughts and turn it meaningful. The common ones include music, paintings, some long-nosed skawky looking guy's 1200 pages book that revolves around the meaninglessness of life (which I currently use as a mouse pad),the trees that seem to be uninterested in moving etc etc.
But eventually you know that you are sitting in front of the monitor without the slightest notion of what you are writing and how much you have conveyed.Then you ask yourself--'what is the point?' Ultimately it comes down to the fact whether someone has misunderstood you to be a very good thinker or whether the guy has actually found out that you have no substance and that you are trying to hide it under the pillows of frankness.
The very good quality that most of the supposed great thinkers possessed is that they could never describe the most of their thoughts via expressions that the common human could understand. I am not accusing them for they have gone too far beyond.I don't know if this going-beyond-thinggy is great because we actually don't know if he has gone forward or backward. And they possibly cannot convey their ideas through some 25 or so tiny figures combined together.
Half an hour later, when I am looking at this, it doesnt make any sense except for that it was something that I wrote to write. Something, that most people are not good at and something that is not conveyed from the deepest core of your heart.

look...hehe..

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

'With regards' to google

Dying hopes in the dawn
Tears that flow with wounded memories
Reflections that remind me of my past
Reflections that warn me about my future

Ashamed of the mighty, and stubborn
What lies ahead I know not, I don't care
In this glum of the paining past

Tomorrow, a word that lives
Ringing through my deaf ears
Trying determinedly to push once more
For glory unfelt, untouched and evergreen.

Seriously Joking

Just move on, please
Why obstruct this flow?
I know you are someone else
Why do you move so slow?
Making my eyes dance in your path
I havent spoken even two full words
But why do you become my life?
Why do you transcend me through eternal bliss?
Answer me in life, not in my dreams
Can't u see? You are interrupting me
Why do you make me think of you?
frustrating me always, heartless creature!
Why do I curse myself when I curse you?
Who is that beside you?
Oh bye then!

A review

Great!! Jack sparrow-Hats off to thee! Awesome climax! The reviewers who went about bluffing of the flawed plot should be.... sheesh I dont think they deserve an answer. At par with the first, if not better. Really loved it.
Critically, the impatient one may feel bored halfway through but it gets back on track quickly. Ah! not much bad abt it... except for the fact there is more violence in this than the other one but Jack does go on about his chirpy way.
Not giving away any more abt the plot ( which Im sure u already know).
My rating for this movie is --- 4/5 owing to the fact I couldnt hear many dialogues due to the noisy background music and also for having just too much adventure. Must see movie..

A Tribute

I feel lonely.I dont know why or I am trying to deny the reason behind this. There is a dampness in the air just trying to replicate my condition. This hour had been one that i have pondered deep for somedays now. My thoughts dwelled only on one topic.

Theres nobody near me now. It was deep boredom that plunged me hesitatingly to these thoughts.

I cant but smile when I think of writing about him. The thought that surely you are going to read this is a distraction. :D . I mean , there are somethings in life that you don't notice and always take to be granted. He is one of it. The fact that after this Saturday there wont be anybody to babble infinitely about my daily experiences is quite diificult to digest.

There are things that you don't see coming or rather you dont dwell much on it or its impacts. Its impact, here , loss of a .............brother? We both silently know we both are not the emotional kind. ;) . To emphasise on this over-brooding of mine only this is needed - Its not everyday that you are going to realise that somebody whom you saw everyday for fourteen and 3/4 years (taking into account his tours and travels) is going to be away...... probably breaking the level of intimacy we share.

I mean... hes not the best guy on palkulangara, leave alone pettah (:D). Ya, I too know that tonight theres going to be a slight rift over the fact that I need the PC but... probably it will be one of the few more to take place. Anyway, hes got his defects. Or rather I should have said hes got his advantages. This way, it seems the positive takes over the negative. Anyway, each day I come upon atleast 3 things of him that I dont approve but none I do.

I am not here to conduct a discussion on his pros and cons nor am I to cite the ways I am to miss him. But there is something unexplainable. I can see myself alone working on this PC without any fear of brother pushing me out of this cushioned chair. But then you ask yourself what was it that u wanted ? computer all for your own? Situation prompts me to say that I would like to share the computer but frankly on this issue I choose the former option. Lets take something else then ;) .
My mathaw keeps on reminding once in two months how he used to carry my bag from school to home.. I used to reply how I saved his life one day when my mother started to prowl on his female-friendly Yahoo messenger list by signing out. But you see theres something that I cant share with my mother, things like vayinottam. In that case my bro is more than a useful companion.
I feel a lot better now as I have stopped dwelling on aravind-devoid future of mine. But when that sense of loss again saturates inside me, be sure to be bored..

Let my heart grow.
Let this heartbeat steer.
Let everything in this world be real.

Never asking you, just give me.
Let the time be round
For me to gain life once more.
Let this sun go back to the dawn
In vain pushing hard, never to succeed
Vile-blooded are those veins that deny

Never asking you, but why cant you?
Let my heart glow
Let everything in this world be unreal
For me to enjoy all that was lost.

So close, no matter how far
Never opened myself this way
all these words are just reflections

There is a road in front of me that I know not
Let light fall on those faint hopes

I have been down that road before
But thats over now, no more.

Let this world turn me around
Let time embrace me again
Never to return to these thoughts.
Let the sun go down when it wants to.

My Snippets of thought

Leaves drift. Likwise do people. You just don't know which path it would take them to.
I am drifting. My priorities in life are changing. For the better or for the worse? I start to think about my future. I start to fear that I won't be able to reach where I wanted myself to. Where do I want to reach? I still don't know.

I feel ...... . I don't know. I have changed. I can feel it. .

From its inception, life is all about perception.

I can't study, I can just dream of studying.Dreams lay its fairy wings assuringly on my shoulders while Reality peeps with its unforgiving eye. I am drifting.

Is this what I really wanted myself to be? If so, why am I so uncomfortable.

Trust your heart. Do what it tells you. But I am a cheat. Negative vibes tanscend through my brain. The prospect of having to write a test day after tomorrow is the premiere cause for this.

I just want to be away. Why are we the so-called civilised. Why can't we be...just free. I want to see all those breathtaking sights, be it the gorges in the artic or the swamps of Zaire or the trimmed green of Sweden, be it the crowd of Kolkata or the peaceful, tranquil Seoul.

Why do I have to sit here? I can't break away.

Money.. it is a need. Where there is calibre there is money. World is only for winners. Deep pessimism hits me. I can't succeed. I am not good enough. I want to settle down somewhere in Sweden. Then when I get bored of living in soltitude I will move on to Kolkata.
It is so easy to dream. Far away from reality yet in eternal bliss.

Please take me away. I start to feel responsible. Responsible of my life. This isn't maturity. If it were signs of maturity I wouldn't possibly still be here writing.

I see the point. "I decide my life". Fate is only the weapon used by cowards to escape.

So.. what will I be doing 10 years at this moment? Would possibly in deep slumber relaxing after a tiresome day's work at some Software Company in Bangalore. Is that what I want myself to be?
No, frankly I want to become a writer. But I can't possibly live out of paper [:D].
I still have to study Malayalam, do the social project-draft. Reality slowly embraces me with its darkness. I am once again to be trapped.
I wish and wish honestly, I dont want to work hard. Let all the things be easy. My eyelids are dimming. My snippets switched off for the time being.

It came

It came in like all others do.... with untouched innocence. It stayed there for 12 hours waiting...
I came back from school, my brother from wherever he went.... Both of us didn't see it. It still layed itself quite comfortably in the warmth of the small unfurnished room with a horizontal slit on the top.
Quite unwarned, we laughed and joked discussing our day to-day life. Little did we know what was to befall on us........
The sun, quite cleverly, sensing the danger, returned to its den. Wary stars didn't signal to us, the almost-fulfilled prophecy.
Life has its own share of twists and turns like all M. Night Shyamalan's works have. But this is....
We look ahead, though, stopping for a moment to have one last look at the path you had crossed.

A shadow fell on it. The shadow hesitated but eventually the shadow turned itself into a silvery dark structure. The structure took it up without pain.

The journey past the climbers and the grassed garden of my house will be remembered by it for a long time....for it knew that things wouldn't be same.

The stars winced......er.... so did I... when I found out the internet bill.....so did my brother...so did my mother. It stared blankly, without purpose, at us with a three zeroes and a three engraved on it.
Silence remained, occassionaly disturbed by the screams of the on-going soap-opera, as golden as it ever were.
The writing was encrypted on the epitaph without delay........

"BSNL Internet Connection rests here
Died: 17 May 2006
Was dear for all of us.
Died when Govind accidentaly minimised a window"

PS: The window came to be called later as 'Torrent downloads"
Downloaded 3 movies that day

I am signing off, for what probably is the last time in the blogs.

See ya folks aftr 1 yr I think..( hope my father gets a brainwash)

What he thought before taking up Computer Science

Lost for words
Lost in reason
Lost in many other things that defies reason
Lost in peace
Lost in translation
Lost of time
Lost of rhyme
Lost of prepositions
Lost of inspiration
Lost of translation
Lost of lines
Lost by everything

It is all a play with the words.

In a night where crimson clouds lay lazily beneath the lively stars, I stare blankly at the half-naked moon through the gaps among the waltzing leaves. Not so far away, coconut tress glow brightly under the influence of the street lights- lending them a divinity.
With every advancing breath I take, my heart weakens. Such a serene atmosphere, only disturbed occassionaly by the urgent streaking of motorbikes in the street below, does try its best to console my heavy heart.
I am wounded..... though not deep..... I still am.My soul is the most unpredictable being that I have met in my life. Within the click of a clock it camouflages.
I don't know what lies ahead. The absurdity in the abruptness in every thought of mine is making me frustrated. It is all a play with the words. My heart races so quickly that my pen can sight it only at the corner of every turnings.
The relaxed muscles refuse to accept my command of staying in two feet. However hard I try to convince myself that the sight of the city lights would wash away my despondency that much numb becomes my legs. Eventually it succumbs to its master and hesitatingly does its job.
I feel a bit weary.. I walk across to the end of the terrace and put my hands assuringly on these cold semi-walls.There are only a few lights to be seen in the neighbourhood.
The world is under the reassuring warmth of their gentle dreams. The crimson lights beneath give life to a dead street. I feel a sense of anxiety in the air.... A sense of waiting...
A gentle breeze carressed my existence. The leaves wait in patience to turn itself into green. The tarred roads wait for it to be treaded upon again. The moon drowsily stands awake hoping for its saviour to return. Even the Great Orion waits for the clouds to embrace it. I can even hear the yawn of the nightly breeze. Time has stopped moving.... There is a soltitude that never existed before.
I am to be happy........but I am not. An year of my life is now only..... a memory. A page in the history.
Dawn will embrace me with a freshness. A new chapter is to unfold.... A sequel to a tragic one.
It is under this reassurance that I... almost keep my pen down.


AS ON MARCH 21, 2006

In a derilium

All of us reach in a place of thick undergrowth where 2 ways diverge. Hours, days, weeks, months, years we may live at that fork but eventually we would have to succumb to cruel life. Faces once seen will be seen no more. Faces you have never seen appear .............and even those eventually disappear.
Life is so unfair.
World looks upon me as a lad with a whole life in front of me. But............. even i can imagine the paths that I would probably cross. Its all the same. I can hear the first drizzle of the monsoon. Life is predictable................... How can I probably predict my life!. I have never lived before. Statistics.....it is the only weapon I possess.
You wish all your life to be different...... But when you are... you feel unique, as if you are a stranger, and that you don't belong here. You look at the others' lives and envy.
What a lovely script. Only a magician could have done this. But then..... even when I say ' a magician', my thoughts cannot cross the limits the creator had engraved.
I am trapped....... I am all alone here. If only I could live different lives and have a memory of that....
I.............I want to set forth a journey..... a quest rather. I don't want to be......same. I don't want to be Govind. A easy-going boy of 15..... I want to be away. But with separation comes its pangs........ Life is so unfair.
The door is closed.I can only imagine what lies within. Still.. given a chance I may not even opt to open them. I may not wan't that life after all.
I don't know myself. I only see a vague outline of what I am whenever I am in front of the mirror.
Wodehouse's words echo in my ears " I believe there are two ways of writing, one is like mine... a sort of musical comedy without music and.. the other is going deep down into life and not caring a damn" Life is also not different.
I am trapped. I know these are just..... thoughts. Never to be brought to truth by action. I know I will take my board exams this year and wait anxiously for my marks. Then I would complain of the portions that I would have to study in the 11th.Later, I would reach college, wooing behind the first beautiful girl I meet. And then... I may go abroad or be elsewhere in India, trying to enjoy bachelor's life but eventually accepting homesickness. What lies after that is very easy to guess......
What is the point? 60 years from now I may sit on a chair and wonder about the paths that I have come by, smiling at every joyous and sorrowful occassions that I have had to feel, ready to close my eyes for the last time. I can imagine me thinking about these days or even this moment. Mother, father all might have finished with their stints in this drama.
( Provided that I survive)
Time is exactly 5 in the evening. Pre-monsoon showers have deceased. A freshness lays in those dripping leaves. I see men checking on their terraces. Suddenly.... I feel different.
Why? What is the point?
My eyes hold an innocence that I knew not, I possessed.
Life.. thy cruelty is unforgivable...

Fables and Warriors

Sheesh.......these 3rd person RPG games are turning out to be quite cool. An year back I used to go crazy about first person shooters and and 'yucked' at the thought of a '3rd person'er.
Well... what happened in these 365 days was that I played (actually) 3 games. Namely- Prince Of Persia :Sands Of Time, POP: Warrior Within and Fable (finished it an hour ago).

To begin with, me and my bro used to go....... ah! it is un-describable.... with Sands Of time. It was a refreshing change from the usual guns and booms.The plot, the handsome and incredible prince with his wall-runnings and all that stuff, the sands of time which meant that 'GAME OVER' couldn't blink at my face that quickly- were all quite...new.


Then came the dark -Warrior Within with the more mature and brooding prince. (Hooo... how I still remember the Dahaka chase #7 ). The new combat techniques, unpredicatability and novel story were the additional features on comparison with Sands of Times more..... u know... usual storyline.The fact is that..... the aura of playing this died down quicker than I thought

Then I was 'fabled'. When I saw the 6 year-old hero trying to buy chocolates for his sister, I was presumably quite .... anxious. When I saw the 21 year old hero (popularly known as Chicken Chaser) trying to save people from bees and finding mushrooms to cure sick boys, I wrote it off as a waste.
Well, u guessed it right, I was wrong. Man, I can't give much of a description about its features than to tell you that its a combination of Vice City, Metal Gear Solid, Deus Ex and Prince Of Persia.
Warning: Don't be assured that the above said statement is the complete truth. Only Partly true.

Anybays I am signing off,
I've got to do a Social assignment, biology imposition (Diag. of the digestive system of a Grasshopper. You couldn't blame me for not knowing that, can ya?).

Me unplugged

'Tenth standard...... you see. Time to start serious studying. How much percentage did ya get last year?"
Just kidding.... nobody has till today told me anything of the above-said sort.

Still the same me. Got back to a mixed class after 2 years. 'Nah....... I don't have time for that' :D

Sun is quite bright these days. TO put it exactly I feel as if I am sitting on toppa this world with a rainbow on my shoulders.
.........Hmmm.... not exactly. There is but one slight prob that I can't figure out. There is something stuck inside my brain that I can't get it out. To put in a literature-ical manner--- A hole in my heart.
It may be becuz I miss the all famous 9b boys class - arguably the worst in Arya Central School's history. No, believe me, I am damn serious. I miss Jason Antony. For those who have met him would not quite easily forget him ( coz by 4 years time he may reach 7 feet-- a lil exaggeration-)
Unfortunately he couldn't pass some* subjects in the last yrs Annual.
I have decided to start commenting on others blogs coz I, now, have the guts.

.....I believe so.

Got the guts!

Atlast, I got the guts to do this-

In my dreams I am a perfect person
A person who knows all lesson
A person fo fortune, a person of spirit
A person of strength, a person of wit
A person who knows no fear
In whose eyes doesn' shine a tear
A person of respect world over
A person whom women crave as a lover
A person whose sight makes villains waver
who hadf till then proclaimed thers's nobody braver
A person whose intelligence never fails
A person who sweeps all men's wails
A person who is king of all sports
Who from his word never aborts.
A person whose voice even makes the cuckoo proud
Wherever he goes, in his path, flowers are bestowed.

But these are only dreams
Nothing is as it seems
Its so easy for one to write a poetry on this
So far away from the world, yet in eternal bliss

Pendulum

I had never felt so .....confused. I mean, one second I am completely downcast. I start to lose interest in living like this, I seem to think there is nothing to look forward to, wherever I look I see only grey. On the other side, there are sometimes when I feel so hip-hop that I wonder why in the hell I was so .....pessimistic. The truth is, this fluctuation in the moods is making me.....mad.
This addiction to computer is the premier cause for this dullness.
Oh shit.... I hate to continue this.
Father had told me that this change in writing style is because of the change in me. I just don't anymore want to write those soapy, dreamy poems. He had also told a very true fact- that I am trying to imitate someone. Well, thats the truth. Whom? I don't know. It just can't go on like this.No, no some may say that there is no need to fuss over such a small matter but see............... nah.
Oneday, folks, ..... Oneday I will have the guts to publish my poem.