Some good ones

5.
The God's message to the creation - " We are sorry for the inconvenience".


4.

The first words:
" In the beginning the Universe was created.........This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move"


3.
Arthur said, "It says in the brochure that I can have a special prayer, individually tailored to me and my special needs."
The old man said, "heres the prayer for you. It goes like this - Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen"
"Theres another prayer that goes with it and is very important" continued the old man " It goes, 'Lord, Lord,lord....'It's best to put in that bit, just in case. You can never be sure."Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer."
2.

I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says me, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promply vanishes in a puff of logic.


1.
Here is a sample from 'Hitchhiker's Guide Galaxy':
The Universe-some information to help you live in it
1. Area: Infinite
The hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy offers the definition of the word 'infinite'
Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and some. Much bigger than that infact, amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow, that's big"time. Infinity is is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks a bit twitchy.

2. Imports: None
It is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from.

3. Exports: None
See imports

4. Population: None
It is known that there are infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinte amount of space for them to be in. However, not evryone of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
5. Monetary Units: None.
In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altairan Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flaninian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flaninian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has its own very special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six thousand eight hundred miles across each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency because the Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise it is very simple to prove that the Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination.
6. Art: None.
The function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn't a mirror big enough - see point one.
7. Sex: None.
Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art, or anything else that might keep all the non-existent people of the Universe occupied.
However, it is not worth embarking on a long discussion of it now because it really is terribly complicated. For further information see Guide Chapters seven, nine, ten, eleven, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-one to eighty-four inclusive, and in fact most of the rest of the Guide.