Illusions

Denying what I want, I seek refuge in the fortress of happiness I built out of imagination. The imagination falters, so does the fortress, slipping me into a battlefield of torture. I remorse at what I turned myself into. The set of people that pass by my eyesight fade with time, but I refuse to let them go without having a good word about me. In this yearning, I lost myself. I became what each of you wanted me to become. Today, even I don't know if my hands touch the keyboard with intent or for sympathy.
A Broken jigsaw puzzle called life keeps on staring at me. I really don't know what I did. I tried not to care but then again it comes back to haunt.
I try to resign myself but unconsciously push myself to find out. I want to work out the possibilities, which seem to stretch as far as the Universe. The jigsaw puzzle seems to make more weaves around me, strangling me onto death. Every time I resign, there seems to be an unearthly power that tells me " All is lost. Nothing more", instills hope and pushes me onto victory. Then things start afresh, I lose myself and let it be weaved into me again. I have never seen the end. Maybe because I never believed it possible. The process will end someday but after that I won't be alive to be happy about it.
I don't know the reason for mankind to crave for anything. But everyone does, subconsciously atleast. There is a million people out there in the sun, I can't make everyone happy. I have to select a group of individuals that I can and leave the rest. Smiling faces are nice to see. But when someone frowns at me, I become restless, eager to establish my intentions and dig a hole into my own grave.
Let go mate. Let go. I am what I am. A word that doesn't make sense and that isn't supposed to. But whatever it means or doesn't mean, all I care about is that, it gives me confidence. The puzzle will become enormous. I can't afford to go head over heels, already. Lets enjoy the puzzle and never try to solve it.