Vindicated

Suddenly one late night, I decide I am not going to drown in sleep. Consequently, I sit here in order to free myself of all the thoughts that might decide to sneak in on a cold, damp night.Holed up in the midst of a humid weather, and of actions and reactions provoked by prejudice rather than wisdom.
The atmosphere that lit up the days have thinned out. Now, its more confusing. Atleast, for the moment. I would have to settle all the frustrations that I have got used to, so much used to, that, I can't barely live without those. Breathing free isn't something in comprehension because right now I would doubtlessly testify that I am breathing free while I do know that I am not.
I have discovered that I am cold and pale in the inner-folds. There's nothing more to it. All for sympathy, admiration and lust. People say that we decide who we want to be. Maybe, to a length, but, what stays imbibed, stays. I am wasting my time in thoughts of a fantasy that I have dreamt of incessantly, day after day, and refuse to overcome it. Until the dream becomes a reality, I will probably not shift my focus.
Funny, how all thoughts seem to revolve around it. Maybe, because I refuse to be drawn into anything else. One heck of an asshole, I am. The day goes out and day comes in, and the time in between goes without mentioning a word of use.
There's seriously nothing that I am good at, except, self-presentation. Come across the age, boy, come across it. But no! how can I possibly ? There are a lot of silly ways to distract myself. Yearning hard, hoping badly, wishing that there would be that day. But when it comes, if it ever does, there won't be much to it. And even knowing all this, I refuse to give up. Why? Because I don't believe in what I am saying and I want to hear it.

Sorry for some lack of coherence.